SueTube – Let’s talk TV with critic Susan Young

Darn you office pool!

This is the first season in a while where there were no locals in the mix, so for a brief moment I thought perhaps I’d simplify the recording process and mark it off an already swamped Thursday.

(“Ugly Betty” back next week, with “My Name is Earl” and “30 Rock”).

Then Ann Tatko Peterson walked by with the office pool and I was hooked again. I remember telling her, “Just don’t let me pick Chicken.”

I didn’t. I got Ashley. Which almost looked like my 5 bucks was going to be sailing right out the door after the WWE wrestler got sick and couldn’t perform. Even Ash thought she was a goner at tribal council. But in the end, Chicken and his passive-aggressive style got him booted out.

My girl Ashley:

ASHLEY MASSARO, 28 of East Northport, N.Y.
Professional WWE Wrestler

This is the 15th installment of “Survivor.”

“Survivor: China” began not on an island, but in urban Shanghai before moving to HuangPu Mountain’s Mi Tuo Temple for a Buddhist ceremony where they were instructed to leave all of their worldly possessions behind.

The castaways were then be marooned with the clothes on their back at two separate islands on Zhelin Lake (translation: the Land of 1,000 Lakes) located in the Jiangxi Province.

They split into two tribes, Fei Long (translation: Flying Dragon) and Zhan Hu (translation: Fighting Tiger), and given a copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War for tribe motivation and assistance throughout the game.

This time there will be a not-so-Hidden Immunity Idol which may save someone from elimination at a future Tribal Council. The idols will be in plain sight, although the castaways won’t realize it at first.

Each week, the winning tribe of the Reward Challenge will be allowed to kidnap someone from the losing tribe. The person who is kidnapped will receive a note from host Jeff Probst before departing for the enemy camp and will be instructed to give it to one member of the enemy tribe (the kidnapped victim will decide who receives it) in private.

The clue will inform this person of the Hidden Immunity Idol located somewhere at their camp. This person must then decide if they wish to share the information with their tribe or keep it to themselves. The kidnapped victim will return to their original tribe at the following Immunity Challenge.

Chicken Out:

CHICKEN MORRIS, 47 Marion, Va.
Chicken farmer

For pictures of all the “Survivor” competitors, search “Survivor” on the blog for the June entry.

Yau-Man Chan will go down in “Survivor” history as the man who gave away a $65,000 truck to a man who reneged on his promise to give Chan immunity.

Yau-Man Chan

The 54-year-old Martinez man who works as the Director of Information Systems for the College of Chemistry at the University of California, Berkeley says as soon as the curtain dropped on the huge Ford truck, he knew he could never take it home.

“When they dropped the curtain, I knew that’s not my lifestyle. I own two hybrids. If I took it home, my wife would leave me and the children would have disowned me, but it was nice of Ford to donate the truck,” Yau-Man says the morning after the finale. “Now, if they would have donated a hybrid Escape, I wouldn’t be so quick to trade it off.”

Of course, that was also before he knew how much the truck was worth, joking that he would never have made it on “The Price is Right.”

So, does he have to pay taxes on the truck anyway?

“I didn’t touch it, the title never touched me,” Yau-Man says. “I’m in the clear.”

He says that he knew how much Dreamz wanted the truck and so he decided almost immediately to use it as a bargaining chip because he knew when it came down to the final four, either he or Dreamz would win the immunity challenge.

“Looking back, I may have overplayed (Dreamz honoring his promise),” Yau-Man says. “I can’t read people like Cassandra did. I found out I don’t have a talent for that. Dreamz really had no intention of living up to his word, and I thought that he would.”

The final four were Yau-Man, ad executive Earl Cole, college administrator Cassandra Franklin and cheerleading coach Andria “Dreamz” Herd.

EARL, CASSANDRA, DREAMZ

During Sunday night’s reunion show, Earl says the shocked look on his face when Dreamz backed out of his agreement with Yau-Man was that he just realized he’d won a million dollars. He knew up against Yau-Man, he probably would have lost.

That was borne out on Sunday when host Jeff Probst asked the jurors if they would have voted for Yau-Man to win the million.

In a show of hands, it was revealed that Yau-Man would have won the game.

“So Dreamz, who was never going to win the million because of what he had done during the course of the show, decided the outcome by not giving me the immunity he had promised,” Yau-Man says. “Earl won the million dollars, and because neither Dreamz nor Cassandra got a single vote, they tied for second and will get $100,000. Since I came in third, I will get $60,000. Although I havent’ checked the check yet.”

Dreamz, who has lived most of his life as a homeless young man, was all over the map making him very difficult to read at the best of times. He mentioned on the reunion show that he hoped to meet Oprah Winfrey.

Perhaps if he had honored his bargain, that might have happened.

As it is, Yau-Man says he doubts Oprah would “even allow him close to her
building.”

Yau-Man says Dreamz feels a lot more guilty over his decision than it would appear.

“Being nice to him was worse than being angry. He really wants me to be all over him about this, but I’m not going to give him the pleasure,” Yau-Man says. “Look, life is short. I don’t want to hold that anger or a grudge against him. He will have to deal with this for the rest of his life. He’s in bad shape, because he will have to do a lot of good deeds to offset that image. He committed a major moral infraction in front of millions of people.”

The funny thing is, Yau-Man says, is that Dreamz is telling everyone he’s going
to donate the truck to the charity that helped him when he was homeless.

“We all rolled our eyes and said please have a lot of television and newspaper coverage or else we won’t believe it,” Yau-Man says.

And Yau-Man admits he was a little disappointed that his pal Earl sided with Cassandra and Dreamz to vote him out.

“I was hoping he would vote for Cassandra so we could have a tie vote, but I understand that he felt he had a better chance at the final tribal council with Dreamz and Cassandra,” Yau-Man says. “I still think that if Dreamz hadn’t won the immunity, Earl would have voted him out instead.”

Yau-Man says that when he thought he might have a shot at winning the million, he thought about retiring. But now that’s not an option.

He says people are seeking him out for endorsements, but he says he thinks he’ll steer clear of commercial endorsements while doing what he can for charities.

“There’s a move on the Internet to get a million people to send in a dollar each so I can win the million,” Yau-Man says with a laugh. “I’m getting a lot more recognition on the street. I’m basically a shy person, so I’m trying to be more outgoing. It’s a new experience for me.”

Few would have given Yau-Man Chan of Martinez much of a shot of getting past the first few days of “Survivor,” much less be poised to take it all on Sunday night.

After all, at 54 he’s one of the older competitors, works as the Director of Information Systems for the College of Chemistry at the University of California, Berkeley and he’s a table tennis champ.

Although impressive, none of that screams “Survivor.”

Yau-Man’s also originally from Malaysian Borneo and slipped right in
when it came to life in Fiji. He also used his considerable observation skills to slip out of more than one trap.

On Thursday, he played the game with a prowess that hadn’t been seen since fellow Bay Area “Survivor” champ Yul Kwon took it all in the last go-round.

Biding his time like a Triple Crown winner coming from behind the pack, he let others set the pace early on and did his best not to make enemies.

His cunning and playful side came out after he found the first Immunity Idol _ and then decided to make a fake idol and hide it for someone else to find.

But he really brought it on when he started winning challenges like the archery competition and proved he had some mad skills.

Yau-Man did what no other competitor has ever done on Thursday when he won a Ford truck valued at close to $50,000 and gave it to another competitor, Dreamz.

Earlier, Dreamz, a person who has been homeless for much of his life, revealed that he has never owned a car and would do anything to have one. It would change his life, he proclaimed.

So Yau-Man, out of the goodness of his heart _ and a plan to get further ahead in the game _ decided to give Dreamz the truck.

In return, he only asked that if Dreamz got immunity in the final four, he would give his immunity to Yau-Man. The Man decided that move would get him into the final three if his calculations were correct.

Then Yau-Man promptly sent himself to Exile Island _ another “Survivor” first _ so that he wouldn’t burn any bridges and he could find a clue to get another Immunity Idol for his pal Earl.

He succeeded in getting Earl an idol, but he didn’t count on Dreamz
attempting a coup to get him out of the game. Dreamz decided that he would have to get Yau-Man out before that final four so he wouldn’t have to go back on his word to hand over the immunity.

Might have been easier just to fail at the immunity challenges, but
that would have been too simple I guess.

Again, with seconds ticking away at Tribal Council, Yau-Man was feeling uneasy and decided to play his Immunity Idol.

It was a million dollar decision, because everyone in the tribe except Earl voting Yau-Man out. With his immunity played, the person he and Earl had chosen, Stacy, was voted out.

That leaves only five left standing for Sunday’s finale. Earl and Yau-Man have a solid alliance, but they have to get past Boo, Cassandra and Dreamz – all the people who had voted Yau-Man off.

Can Yau-Man win immunity again and make it into the final three, when it is up to the jury to decide? If so, he’s got a good chance to win it all because he’s played the game with honesty and integrity.

You go, Yau-Man.

Ahoy, matey. We’ve got your scurvy crew right here.

Well, scurvy in the a-lotta-hotties kind of way.

CBS today introduced the 16 pirates who will compete in “Pirate Master,” a new reality-based series from “Survivor” creator – and newly wed to that divine Roma Downey – Mark Burnett.

CAST OF “PIRATE MASTER”

Australian actor Cameron Daddo will serve as host.

According to the press release, “Pirate Master” will send 16 modern-day pirates on a high seas adventure where they will live as buccaneers and travel around the Caribbean island of Dominica in search of hidden treasure that will total $1 million.

Over the course of 33 days, these pirates will live aboard a massive 179 foot, square-rigged barque which carries 12,500 square feet of sail.

Each week, the pirates will embark on extraordinary expeditions where they will decipher clues along the way in search of missing treasure. Gold coins — real money which the pirates may take with them beyond the show — will be awarded after each expedition, but only to some. The gold will play a key role as pirates strike deals with each other or plead for long-term security.

In addition to claiming the lion’s share of the week’s riches, one pirate will become the captain of the ship and will assign roles and chores to the remaining crew members, setting the tone for either law and order or betrayal and sabotage, which could lead to mutiny by the crew.

Each episode will conclude on the ship at Pirate’s Court, a lively gathering of public speaking and judgment where one individual will be eliminated and “cut adrift.” In the end, one will be the first to find the largest booty, worth $500,000, and claim the title of “Pirate Master.”

The show comes on at 8 p.m. Thursday, May 31 on CBS. Until then, check out the booty.

The pirates competing in PIRATE MASTER (in alphabetical order) are:

CHRISTA DeANGELO

29

Tamaqua, Pa.

Ex-Military

BEN FAGAN

23

Boston

Student/Musician

LOUIE FRASE

43

Fishing Creek, Md. (originally from Park Ridge, Ill.)

Marina Owner

KENDRA GUFFEY

38

Los Angeles (originally from Anchorage, Alaska)

Dive Master

JAY HATKOW

37

Detroit

Automotive Parts Salesman

AZMYTH KAMINSKI

26

Los Angeles (originally Mt. Vernon, Wash.)

Music Producer

CHERYL KOSEWICZ

35

Sparks, Nev. (originally from Grand Couler, Wash.)

District Attorney

JOHN LAKNESS

25

Carlisle, Mass.

Scientist/Chippendale Dancer

JOCELYN “JOY” MCELVEEN

21

West Columbia, S.C.

Receptionist

ELICIA “JUPITER” MENDOZA

30

Los Angeles (originally from Santa Rosa, Calif.)

Bartender

JOE DON “J.D.” NORTON

36

Ft. Wainwright, Alaska (originally from Scottsdale, Ariz.)

Smokejumper

NESSA NEMIR

29

Berkeley, Calif. (originally from Oakland, Calif.)

Make-Up Artist

CHRISTIAN OKOYE

45

Rancho Cucamonga, Calif. (originally from Enugu, Nigeria)

Former NFL Player

LAUREL SCHMIDT

21

Los Angeles (originally Detroit)

Glass Blower

ALEXIS SHUBIN

26

Laguna Beach, Calif. (originally from Fountain Valley, Calif.)

Fashion Publicist

SEAN TWOMEY

27

Venice, Calif. (originally from Pensacola, Fla.)

Bartender

“Survivor” is getting too painful to watch.

It’s one thing to plop wanna-be Trumps into backyard tents on “The Apprentice.” It’s quite another to watch starving people get weaker and weaker while another team just keeps getting fatter and more smug.

Perhaps things will change when “Survivor” returns on March 21 (it’s getting bumped for basketball).

But this past week’s show was agonizing to watch. When an intellectual like Yau Man can’t even remember numbers and words in a match game, you know that the lack of nourishment is taking its toll.

Michelle looks like she can barely make it through the day, much less compete in challenges.

Starvin’ Michelle Yi, of the Ravu tribe tries to fend off beefy Lisette “Lisi” Linares, of the Moto tribe, during the immunity challenge, “Kung Fu Cannibals

Enough already.