SueTube – Let’s talk TV with critic Susan Young

David Duchovny’s back on series TV after he departed from the wildly popular Fox series “The X-Files” in 2002.

He’s now on a series trying to cope through drugs, alcohol and sex in the Showtime series “Californication.” He plays a writer whose best-seller has been turned into a crappy sitcom. Now he’s facing a writer’s block bigger than a Hollywood actor’s ego, dealing with his girlfriend’s new relationship with another guy and their 12-year-old daughter testing her sexuality.

But don’t expect David’s wife Tea Leoni to appear on the series.

“We’ve always tried not to work together, mostly because she doesn’t want to work with me, ” he joked. “But I honestly can’t imagine anything creepier than watching people who actually have sex having sex on TV. It’s a funky feeling to act with your wife anyway.”

In the series, David may become the first leading man in a TV series who has sex with a minor.

“Two things I have to do,” David says in response. “Update my resume and call my mother.”

So after Mary-Kate Olsen left the stage in her impossibly high heels and high-hemmed, big belted blue dress, she hustled away alone _ with me right beside her.

“Mary-Kate, can I ask you a little bit more about your character on `Weeds’? I asked.

Just call me the invisible woman, because she acted as if she was all alone.

She rushed out the front door of the Beverly Hilton, trailing reporters behind her. Her publicist told me that Mary-Kate “Wasn’t taking follow-up questions,” while Mary-Kate herself looked at me with those big Margaret Keane-painting eyes.

Geeze, it wasn’t like I was looking for diet tips from her.

Her bodyguards blocked everyone off as she jumped into a limo to be whisked away.

Yep, it had to happen.

Mary-Kate Olsen has gone to pot.

Actually, the tabloid-headline-grabbing, rehab half of the Olsen Twins, has joined the cast of Showtime’s “Weeds” about a surburban mom who deals marijuana in order to make ends meet after her husband dies unexpectedly. The series returns in August for a third season.

And no, she doesn’t look any thinner than any other Hollywood actress, including the cast of “High School Musical.” But she looks a lot less healthier.

“(My character) is a good Christian girl,” she says of her character, who is a love interest for Silas. “With a twist.”

It’s the first time Mary-Kate has appeared in a role without her twin sister Ashley.

“It doesn’t feel that weird,” Mary-Kate told critics during the Showtime press conference in Beverly Hills during the summer TV critics press tour. “I’m doing what I love. And I do go on auditions by myself.”

As for creator Jenji Kohan, she looked in mock surprise saying, “I didn’t know she had a sister.”

This fall, Michael C. Hall returns as the serial killer we love to, well, love in Showtime’s “Dexter.”

For those who have missed this dandy little series, it centers on a serial killer who works as a forensic expert for the Miami police department. But don’t worry. He only offs bad guys who really deserve it.

The droll Michael spent most of his time on the panel slouched down in his seat, but did deliver a few sliders during the press conference.

When asked if people who meet him on the streets fear him, he quipped, “If they are, I worry about who they are.”

So how’s that romance going between “High School Musical” stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens?

The cast popped up at the Beverly Hilton today to chat with TV critics about “High School Musical 2,” which premieres Aug. 17 on The Disney Channel.

The two are playing coy with reporters, with Vanessa simply showing those pretty dimples and pleading no comment on her personal life. In the middle of a reporter crush, Zac was asked about the romance that has been dubbed the Brangelina of the teen set.

I refer to them as VanZac and after getting some considerable face time with them, have decided they are every bit as gorgeous as the aforementioned Brangelina. And they are both as nice as you can imagine.

Think of Zac as the Tom Hanks of the teen set.

VANZAC at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards

“At 19, I don’t want to be the guy who has the relationship headlines all over the magazines,” Zac says. “Maybe in the future it might be something I want to talk to the press about.”

Zac’s film career is blistering hot right now, with “Hairspray” coming out next week and the announcement that he’s been named as the lead in the new version of “Footloose.”

Wild child Lindsay Lohan may not be your first choice when you think star power, but show biz veteran Carol Burnett thinks otherwise.

The Defamer catches Lindsay in yet another wardrobe malfunction.

When asked who she thinks is the most talented actress in the new generation, Carol quickly named Lindsay.

CAROL BURNETT

“I think Lindsay Lohan is a big talent, and my wishes go with her,” Carol told TV critics at the PBS portion of the summer press tour. “She has a lot to offer and I am praying for her that she’ll be OK.”

Future Oscar-winner or rehab regular? Discuss with us.

In our never-ending search for the meaning of “The Sopranos” finale, we hear from Steven Van Zandt.

He came before the critics here in Beverly Hills to promote the VH1 Classic series “Seven Ages of Rock” about the emergence of rock music as a global force told through seven generations of rockers. For non-TV types, you might know Little Stevie through the E Street Band, who backed up a singer named Bruce Springsteen.

But no matter. What did he think of the ending of “The Sopranos”?

“Right from the beginning, (creator) David Chase broke every rule in the book, and everybody loved him for it. Literally he just refused, all along, to sort of compromise and play that sort of Hollywood-imposed game of fraudulent closure,” Steve says. “ He’s like, ‘Life doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t get wrapped up every 30 minutes or every 60 minutes, and we’re not going to play that game. This is my last show on TV. I’m going out without compromising.’ He kept it that way right to the end. I thought it was a brilliant ending myself.”

Even the new HBO executives Richard Plepler and Michael Lombardo admit they aren’t really sure what happened at the end of “The Sopranos.”

While there’s been plenty of conjecture about what creator David Chase meant by the fade-out that made viewers believe their cable had gone out including that it referred back to an earlier episode in which Tony says when you die, everything just goes black, the executives admit they aren’t really sure what the ending meant.

Plepler says that he believes the ending said that here’s a guy who will have to lead a life of vigilance, always looking over his shoulder, always worried about when somebody’s going to pull the trigger on him.

And Lombardo?

“I don’t know because my TV went out,” he quipped.

Valerie Bertinelli, who stars in the August Hallmark Channel movie “Clare,” told critics here at the summer press tour that young celebrities weren’t stalked by photographers they way they are today.

“It’s a lot more negative than back when I was famous, and crueler,” says the former America’s sweetheart from “One Day At A Time.”

So is she afraid that now that she’s back in the public eye, how will she handle it?

“Oh, they don’t give a (non Hallmark friendly explicitive) about me,” Bertinelli says.

Bertinelli did grab the spotlight recently talking about her weight battle. She looks fabulous, having lost 28 pounds and counting. But the movie was filmed before she started losing the pounds and admits to partaking to the ample snacks available during filming of the movie, which may become series.

“I ate from the craft table,” Bertinelli says. “Trust me.”

While Bertinelli says she stays pretty close to her diet, fellow Hallmark Channel star Dick Van Dyke got a big laugh when he told everyone “I saw Valerie eating a piece of cake.”

As for another fellow Hallmark star, Oscar winner Ernest Borgnine, Van Dyke quipped that he was happy to see him in the room because “he’s the only guy in the building older than me.”

Move over Chuck Norris, there’s a new bad ass in town and her name is Jane Austen.

Yeah, you heard me right. J.A., the English author of such all time hits as “Pride and Prejudice,” “Sense and Sensibility” and “Emma,” who died in 1818.

She’s now an action figure. And she’s ready to be your travel buddy.

JANE’S THE WOMAN

With quill in hand, she’s ready to wield it like a sword against those who doubt her power.

During a stirring PBS session here at the TV critics press tour, we learned that “Masterpiece Theater” will be doing “The Complete Jane Austen” beginning in January.

At the tables, the centerpieces included the Jane Austen action figure. We learned there were many Web sites devoted to J.A., incuding “Jane Austen is my Homegirl.”

Then there’s Kristen’s Web site that shows you all the places J.A. has been. Check it out: Kristen & J.A..

Fan of Jane’s? Let’s hear it.