SueTube – Let’s talk TV with critic Susan Young

Contestants on “Survivor” have been known to stretch the truth a tad in their quest, and there is no question quite a few unsavories have emerged, from the currently incarcerated Richard Hatch (tax evasion) to Jonny “My grandmother died” Fairplay.

But Lunch Lady Denise?

Lunch Lady Liar?

Fans of the show watched Sunday’s high rated finale had nothing but sympathy for Denise when she had to endure hearing Courtney wonder on the show why Denise deserved anything just because she “sucked at life” and was poor.

Then on the live show, a teary Denise told everyone how horrible the school district behaved when she returned to work and was demoted from lunch lady to janitor. It was all because her presence was “too disruptive” to the students, who saw her as a TV star. So she was shuffled off to clean toilets and barf in obscurity.

A little bell went off in my brain, because I know janitors make more money than lunch ladies, so didn’t she get a promotion? Turns out Denise may have been a little less than honest about the whole deal. CBS’ “Early Show” host Julie Chen grilled Denise and school superintendent Nancy Lane, who says Denise fibbed.

Here’s the release from the school:

Press Release: Mrs. Denise Martin
December 17, 2007
Douglas Public Schools

On the “Survivor China” television program that aired on December 16, 2007, Mrs. Denise Martin, an employee of the Douglas Public Schools, stated that she was demoted from her position as a cafeteria worker upon her return from taping the show. This statement is false. In fact, Mrs. Martin held a full-time position as a custodian prior to her participation in the series, and she returned to this same position upon her return from China. Mrs. Martin was granted – at her request – an unpaid leave of absence so that she could participate in the “Survivor” program. We were pleased and excited to support Denise, and have enthusiastically cheered her on throughout the duration of the show.

Although Mrs. Martin was a cafeteria employee prior to her selection as a contestant, she asked to be considered for a promotion to full-time custodian, and was promoted to this position on March 30, 2007. This promotion came with additional benefits and a higher salary. Following her leave, she then returned to this same position.

Regretfully, the Douglas Public School District was inaccurately portrayed as failing to be accommodating to an employee during what the District viewed as a “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity. This is far from the case. On the contrary, we granted all requests made by Mrs. Martin so that she could participate in the “Survivor” series. Since Mrs. Martin was on an approved leave, her position was held open for her, and she returned to this same position upon her return from China. As a District, we make every effort to support our employees, and will continue to do so.

Nancy T. Lane
Superintendent of Schools

Denise, Denise. Now you’re $50,000 richer because “Survivor” creator/producer Mark Burnett decided to dip into his deep pockets to make you feel better. He can well afford it, but can you afford to go back and face those people in Douglas after this?

NBC announced today that after two months of repeats, “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” and “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” will be back on Jan. 2 – but without any guild writers providing Leno or O’Brien with monologues.

Of course, since Leno’s a former stand-up comic and O’Brien once wrote for “The Simpsons,” they may be able to come up with something on their own. We’re still waiting to hear if David Letterman’s company World Wide Pants has struck an independent deal with the Writers Guild. If so, he and Craig Ferguson (whose show is owned by WWP) would be returning to the air with their teams entact.

The late night shows suspended production due to the strike by the Writers Guild of America on November 5 and have aired repeats since.

“During the 1988 writers strike, Johnny Carson reluctantly returned to ‘The Tonight Show’ without his writers after two months,” says Rick Ludwin, executive VP of NBC’s Late Night & Primetime series. “Both Jay and Conan have supported their writers during the first two months of this WGA strike and will continue to support them. However, there are hundreds of people who will be able to return to work as a result of Jay’s and Conan’s decision.”

Thanks to Nikki Finke for posting the WGA rules on her site. Nikki’s the go-to person when you want the latest on the WGA strike front.

NOTICE TO ALL WGA MEMBERS WRITING FOR COMEDY/VARIETY SHOWS
The Council of the Writers Guild of America, East, Inc. and the Board of Directors of Writers Guild of America, West, Inc. (collectively the “Guild”), have adopted Strike Rules which will go into effect if the Guild calls a strike. The Strike Rules, among other provisions, prohibit Guild members from performing any writing services during a strike for any and all struck companies. This prohibition includes all writing by any Guild member that would be performed on-air by that member (including monologues, characters, and featured appearances) if any portion of that written material is customarily written by striking writers.

Rick Ludwin, “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” executive producer Debbie Vickers and “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” executive producer Jeff Ross participated in a conference call this morning to discuss the return.

There’s still some question as to what the shows will look like when they do come back if the strike is still on.

“We sort of made this decision (to go back on the air) recently and all our conversations have been on when (should we come back) and now we go to what is the show (going to be),” says Vickers.

Ross says it’s “unclear as to what we can can’t do. Obviously, shows may look a little different and we will fill time with things we haven’t done before.”

So will Conan and Jay even be allowed to write?

Vickers: “We’ll respect the guild.”
Ross: “Johnny (Carson) and Dave (Letterman) did monologues (during the 1988 strike). They were allowed to write and prepare their own material.”

But looking at the Guild guidelines, that might not be possible this time around. So what we’ll get instead would be a lot of chit-chat between the host and guests – if indeed they can get actors to cross the picket lines.

Yet we’d welcome one thing. A chance for talk show hosts to actually talk to their guests.

Ludwin says that Letterman’s ability as the studio head to negotiate independently of the group negotiations that have broken down between the guild and producers put them at a disadvantage.

“It’s not a level playing field,” Ludwin says, since the NBC shows won’t have a writing staff backing them up.

The trio says they expect both Leno and O’Brien to take advantage of their positions by taking shots at the networks.

While NBC opted not to make either Leno or O’Brien available for the call, we did get these lovely statements:

STATEMENT FROM JAY LENO

Jay Leno explains why he’s coming back to his late-night show without his writers

“This has been a very difficult six weeks for everybody affected by the writers strike. I was, like most people, hoping for a quick resolution when this began. I remained positive during the talks and while they were still at the table discussing a solution “The Tonight Show” remained dark in support of our writing staff. Now that the talks have broken down and there are no further negotiations scheduled I feel it’s my responsibility to get my 100 non-writing staff, which were laid off, back to work. We fully support our writers and I think they
understand my decision.”

Conan O’Brien Statement

Conan sounds conflicted about coming back to his late-late-night show

“For the past seven weeks of the writers’ strike, I have been and continue to be an ardent supporter of the WGA and their cause. My career in television started as a WGA member and my subsequent career as
a performer has only been possible because of the creativity and integrity of my writing staff. Since the strike began, I have stayed off the air in support of the striking writers while, at the same time, doing everything I could to take care of the 80 non-writing staff members on Late Night.
Unfortunately, now with the New Year upon us, I am left with a difficult decision. Either go back to work and keep my staff employed or stay dark and allow 80 people, many of whom have worked for me for
fourteen years, to lose their jobs. If my show were entirely scripted I would have no choice. But the truth is that shows like mine are hybrids, with both written and non-written content. An unwritten version of Late Night, though not desirable, is possible – and no one has to be fired.
So, it is only after a great deal of thought that I have decided to go back on the air on January 2nd. I will make clear, on the program, my support for the writers and I’ll do the best version of Late Night I can under the circumstances. Of course, my show will not be as good. In fact, in moments it may very well be terrible. My sincerest hope is that all of my writers are back soon, working under a contract that provides them everything they deserve.”

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Now, here’s a way to make an end-run around a writer strike: Just buy a series that’s already been produced.

The downside, for Showtime, is that there’s already a Web site that lets you watch episodes of “Secret Diaries of a Call Girl.”

Billie Piper as Belle, sort of a modern Moll Flanders if you will

For years, American producers have snatched up British ideas like “The Office” and “Coupling,” and Americanized them with varying degrees of success. Today, Showtime announced it has purchased the UK half-hour comedy and will air it as-is.

Taken from best selling, real life diaries, this series on the life of a high-end call girl leading a double life became an immediate ratings winner in the UK. Showtime airs the first season’s 8 half-hour episodes beginning in Spring or Summer 2008, with a commitment for an additional 12 episodes.

To her friends and family she is Hannah, a legal secretary clocking in regular hours and enjoying a “normal” life. To her clients, she is Belle, the answer to all of their fantasies. Her challenge is to keep her two lives separate. Inevitably they begin to blur.

Belle assumes many identities for her clients, so now I’m thinking maybe she’s closer to a Sydney Bristow on “Alias.”

The real Belle, whom actress Billie Piper met and worked closely with pre-and during production, published her diaries in 2005 and, despite many attempts to discover her true identity, remains anonymous.

“When Chris Albrecht (formerly of HBO) called me to take a look at this show we were intrigued,” said Showtime’s Robert Greenblatt. “Initially we thought we should make an American version of it, but we fell in love with the original episodes, were captivated by Billie Piper’s Belle, and decided to bring it to Showtime as is. American audiences will be transfixed by the series poignant, sexy, comedy meets drama elements and the series’ will fit in perfectly with our line-up of original programming. It is also a pleasure to be back in business with my old friend Chris.”

And it doesn’t hurt they they don’t have to count on the writers coming back to work any time soon.

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Whoa, not so quick. First, our snappy recap of “Survivor:China” finale.

Amanda won the reward challenge, but of course on Survivor it’s never that easy. She had to choose either one, or two, other people to share pizza, beer and brownies with her. If she chose no one, she would have appeared to be fair with all of her alliance. But she also would have come across as selfish.

She kept the Courtney warning in mind: “An angry Todd is a bad Todd.” Best to keep him satisfied, so she chose the schemer – who wouldn’t have a chance to smack talk her while she was eating without the other three.

And she wisely decided not to choose between Denise or Courtney, because to take one would have tipped her hand.

Denise Martin, Todd Herzog, Courtney Yates and Amanda Kimmel during the Reward Challenge “Great Wall” & Reward of Pizza, Beer, Cola, Brownies during tonight’s finale episode of “Survivor: China” Photo: Jeffrey R. Staab/CBS

As Courtney says, “Todd’s a slippery little sucker.” Todd’s been able to weasel his way into more food by getting chosen to go on rewards won by others because no one wants him hanging around camp plotting against him.

He’s played a good game. But now he’s scared about Court, Denise and Amanda going all “girl power” on him. Game on.

After the traditional walk down memory lane, where the torches were lit and firecrackers popped to celebrate the fallen Survivors, it was time to move on to tribal council. It didn’t look good for Todd. Would he once again slip-slide out of getting the boot?

Todd was the first out of the immunity challenge. Each had to stack china on a small platform while holding firm with one hand. Second out was waitress Courtney. Denise desperately tried to strike a deal with Amanda: She would drop out if Amanda promised not to vote her out.

Amanda said no deal. Perhaps Denise knew she was faltering, or maybe her deal-making made her lose concentration. In any case, Denise dropped her dishes and Amanda was guaranteed a top three spot and a chance to plead her case in front of the jury.

It looked like Denise might just pull out a top-three finish as she worked Amanda, and Amanda in turn tried to work Courtney, all against Todd. In the end, we knew Courtney would never turn on snark-buddy Todd. There seemed to be a small chance Amanda would force a tie between Todd and Denise, but it was not to be.

We think Denise shot herself in the foot by saying because she had two children that might influence a jury. And she put Amanda on the spot by saying that Amanda told her she had Denise’s back. But it was Todd’s little oh-she-burned-you look that made Amanda look like a jerk.

In the end, a three to one vote shoved Denise into the jury box and out of the running for a top-three slot.

Denise only gets into the final four, out of the three. She returned home only to lose her job as the lunch lady and now works as a janitor. Mark Burnett decided on the live show to give her $50,000 to help get her life back on track.

Going into the final confrontation with the jury, I felt that Todd played it best, with Courtney coming in a surprising second. I almost thought I might want to vote for her since she was the snotty kid who at least played the most honest game of the three.

But in the end, it was the guy who studied the game, and watched it since he was a 14-year-old in Utah. Todd, you deserved it. You just need to get that snark in check.

Todd wins “Survivor: China”Photo: Jeffrey R. Staab/CBS

Do you agree with Jeff Probst that the biggest blunder was James not playing the Immunity Idol? Or was it Denice not going with Erik and Peih-Gee?

And for qodrn, who thought I got laid off and that I spend too much time talking “Survivor”, I’m still working for the paper, just working online instead of in print. And just think, with the end of Survivor tonight you’ll get a reprieve just in time for American Idol.

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Mark Curtis

From Alice Becerra:

I too am very disappointed that Mark Curtis is gone. I missed him and was wondering what was up – first thought he was ill. I watched KTVU faithfully every morning at 5:30 and enjoyed Mark and Pam but not now. The new gentleman is just well how should I put it “blaugh” I don’t like his voice, just doesn’t fit with Pam – oh well so much for my opinion. Thank you for the update on Mark Curtis he will be really missed – best wishes to him and his family.

From John Fitzgerald of Santa Rosa:

Was sorry to learn Mark would not be on channel 2 any longer. I have watched the morning news every day (today is Dec. 14) with Dave Clark and it is just not the same. It is about 8:30 am and in my home office and have changed over to KRON 4 my new channel of choice. Best of luck to Mark and his family.

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“Jeopardy” host Alex Trebec was released from Cedars-Sinai Hospital today following a minor heart attack. He’s home in Studio City recuperating, but like the trouper he is, issued this statement for his fans:

“I’m truly overwhelmed by the great show of support and compassion expressed in the past few days to me, my family and my coworkers. Even though I know Jeopardy! is a very popular program, I was still surprised at the number of people who took time from their schedules to call or send a note of encouragement. I thank you all so very much. I’m on the mend, and will be spending Christmas at home with my family. I will be back in the studio on January 14 to tape our Teen Tournament, which is always one of my favorite competitions. Meanwhile, I hope you will continue to watch and enjoy the program. The shows were taped before my heart attack, so what you are seeing is original, not rerun material. Happy Holidays to all of you. Alex”

Alex Trebek

The producers said they didn’t want to do it. But ABC has opted to plunge ahead and show the first eight episodes completed of “Lost” beginning at 9 p.m. Thursday on Jan. 31. The deal was “Lost” would run for 16 episodes straight, but only eight were produced before the writers strike.

“It will feel a little like reading half a Harry Potter novel, then having to put it down,” executive producer Carlton Cuse told TV Guide. “There is a mini-cliff-hanger at the end of Episode 8, but it’s like the end of an exciting book chapter, it’s not the end of the novel.”

Fans of “Lost” eagerly await the new season after an ending that showed Jack and Kate back at home without the rest of the “Lost” band.

FRANCES O`CONNOR, JULIAN OVENDEN, LUCY LIU, BONNIE SOMERVILLE, MIRANDA OTTO, PETER HERMANN
“Cashmere Mafia’’ stars Lucy Liu, Frances O’Connor, Miranda Otto and Bonnie Somerville as four gal pals fighting the glass ceiling in the Big City. The series comes from “Sex and the City’’ producer Darren Star.

At least two new scripted series, the disappointing “Cashmere Mafia” which tries too hard to be “Sex & the City” and the promising “Eli Stone” have also been added to the winter line-up. Trying to plump out the bill are two reality programs: “Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann” and “Oprah’s Big Give.”

“Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann” premieres with a special two-hour episode on Monday, January 7, followed by 90-minute episodes through January. “Notes from the Underbelly” and “October Road” will continue to air at 9:30 and 10:00 p.m., respectively. “Samantha Who?” will return with original episodes in February at 9:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars” and “The Bachelor” start new seasons on Monday, March 17.

“Just for Laughs” returns Tuesday, January 1, at 8:30 p.m., following the Rose Bowl, and will air back-to-back episodes Tuesday nights (8:00 and 8:30 p.m.), beginning January 8. “According to Jim” will also return January 1, with two episodes at 9:00 and 9:30 p.m. The series will regularly air at 9:00 p.m., followed by “Carpoolers” (9:30 p.m.) as of January 8. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show” will return at 9:00 p.m. on Tuesday, March 25. “Boston Legal” will continue airing Tuesdays at 10:00 p.m.

“Wife Swap” will premiere at 8:00 p.m. on Wednesday, January 2, and “Supernanny” returns with special back-to-back episodes at 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. that same night. The new drama series “Cashmere Mafia” premieres in its regular timeslot at 10:00 p.m. on Wednesday, January 9, following a special premiere on Thursday, January 3. Beginning February 27, “MEN IN TREES” will air Wednesdays at 10:00 p.m.

On Thursday nights in January, “Ugly Betty” will continue to air at 8:00 p.m., followed by “Grey’s Anatomy” at 9:00 p.m. and “Big Shots” at 10:00 p.m. “Lost” will premiere on January 31 at 9:00 p.m., followed by the premiere of “Eli Stone” at 10:00 p.m.

On Sunday nights, “Oprah’s Big Give” will premiere on Sunday, March 2 at 9:00 p.m.

ABC’s midseason primetime schedule is as follows:

MONDAY (JAN)

8 p.m. “Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann”
9:30 p.m. “Notes from the Underbelly”
10 p.m. “October Road”

MONDAY (FEB)

8 p.m. “Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann”
9 p.m. “Samantha Who?”
9:30 p.m. “Notes from the Underbelly”
10 p.m. “October Road”

MONDAY (MAR)

8 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars”
9:30 p.m. “Samantha Who?”
10 p.m. “The Bachelor”

TUESDAY
8 p.m. “Just for Laughs”
8 p.m. “Just for Laughs”
9 p.m. “According to Jim”
9 p.m. “Carpoolers”
10 p.m. “Boston Legal”

TUESDAY (MAR)
8 p.m. “Just for Laughs”
8 p.m. “Just for Laughs”
9 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show”
10 p.m. “Boston Legal”

WEDNESDAY
8 p.m. “Wife Swap”
9 p.m. “Supernanny”
10 p.m. “Cashmere Mafia” (“MEN IN TREES” beginning Feb 27)

THURSDAY (JAN)
8 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
9 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10 p.m. “Big Shots” (after special premiere of “Cashmere Mafia” on Jan 3)

THURSDAY (FEB)
8 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
9 p.m. “Lost”
10 p.m. “Eli Stone”

FRIDAY
8 p.m. Drama encores
9 p.m. Drama encores
10 p.m. “20/20”

SUNDAY (MAR)
7 p.m. “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8 p.m. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”
9 p.m. “Oprah’s Big Give”
10 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”

Right off the bat tonight, Courtney won the challenge…for Denise.

The reward challenge had the Survivors taking an ancient contraption that shot arrows at a target. Todd, who always thinks he’s better than anyone else, actually was better than anyone else. He zipped the most arrows into his name cards on the target.

Denise only hit two, but then Court started shooting her arrows into Denise and Todd’s names, eventually putting Denise over the top for the win.

What is it about the Great Wall of China? CBS’ sibling net the CW sent “America’s Next Top Model” there too. I’m thinking they shared camera crews and saved a few sheckles.

Anyway, Denise ended up taking Todd and Courtney on the reward, leaving Amanda and Peih-Gee back at camp. I honestly thought Peih-Gee had swayed Amanda into her camp, but I should have known better. This group of Survivors are staying the course all the way down the line, and it paid off for them.

Peih-Gee Law, Todd Herzog, Courtney Yates, and Amanda Kimmel during the Immunity Challenge

In the immunity challenge, which brought together different elements from past challenges including eating that big old dead bird fetus, Amanda came out victorious with Peih-Gee a close second. While an Amanda-Denise-Peih-Gee final would have been sweet, the truth is that both Denise and Amanda know they could win up against either Todd or Courtney and they couldn’t take the chance of losing those two losers.

And that’s what makes me ticked about “Survivor” these days. People who don’t deserve to make it into the final four always do. Courtney has done nothing to deserve getting this far, and she’s a nasty little witch to boot.

I actually liked Todd in the beginning because he came across as a savvy player. Now, he’s just an arrogant jerk. Even Courtney treads lightly around him, saying “An angry Todd is a bad Todd.”

So on Sunday, we’ll go live blogging. I hope you’ll join me as we weigh in on the finale. I think I’m pulling for Denise, if only because her family needs the money the most.

Yeah, like you didn’t know before.

The tight bond between Saleisha and Tyra came out right in the beginning, when we learned the two knew each other through Tyra’s program for girls with low self-esteem. For all the details, check out Jezebel.

This year’s “ANTM” has been nothing short of dreadful. If it wasn’t for Heather, I would have passed away from sheer boredom and it was all I could do to hang in for the ending. We knew Saleisha was a shoo-in for the final two, if not the winner.

How? Just look at that group picture that is shown at the end of each week. When the girl gets eliminated, they are airbrushed out. I dare anyone to look at that picture and figure out which girl was Jenah and which girl was Chantal.

You just couldn’t have identical twins standing there for the final judgment. And talking about judging, I don’t think I was the only one who noticed the obvious knock on snippy sour grape girl Jenah. Each of the models took on separate fruity Cover Girl scents. Chantal got lemon, Saleisha got tangerine and Jenah got (sour) grape.

Saleisha let her nerves get the better of her during the filming of the commercial

As snotty as Jenah was this season, sweet Chantal took a sour turn when she put the smack on Jenah in front of the judges. Tyra asked each to say who should win, and who shouldn’t. Chantal went all personal, saying that she didn’t think Jenah was the kind of person she wanted her little sister to look up to.

Chantal had some skirt issues on the runway

She obviously hit below the bikini line with that one, especially since Jenah revealed that she had to take on the mantle of mom to her own sisters due to an absent mother. Still, even with her tears we couldn’t warm to Jenah.

Despite the judges praising Saleisha for her fierce pose near the Great Wall of China, we just don’t see high fashion with her. She did fine on the runway, but let’s be honest. She doesn’t have the willowy body needed for high fashion.

God graced Chantal with a perfect model bod, and while we agree she needs some work, she has the basic building materials. Saleisha will always be a cute little cover girl, which is fine given the sponsor of this show.

Just don’t call it “Top Model.” Check out each one this week and see who you think had the best picture:

Saleisha puts the lie to the old phrase you can never be too thin. Her dress just hangs on her here.

Chantal looked stunningly stiff in this shot

Jenah has an old-fashioned starlet quality about her

Next cycle sees Twiggy bidding a fond farewell as judge, with Paulina Porizkova coming on in her place. I’d love to see different judges all the way around. Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker looked like he wanted out all season long, and by the end I hoped his wish would be granted. Love Miss J, but enough with the stupid gimmicks like the growing Afro and last cycle’s expanding neck ring. Let’s take a break.

Time to get an all-new panel Pictured left to right: J. Alexander, Twiggy, Tyra Banks and a very bored Nigel Barker Photo: Elizabeth Carrillo/The CW ©

Of course, my top pick for expulsion would be Tyra herself. She’s gotten worse each year, and this season’s talk show cry-fests got out of hand. At the beginning, she had that poor girl who didn’t make the cut talk about being abused growing up. Then she makes Jenah crack her tough veneer only to send her on her way too.

Miss Attitude Jenah

Things better heat up next season, or I’m bailing.

Thank goodness for the President’s annual State of the Union Address.

With no end to the Writers Strike in sight, the networks are starting to sweat. They’ve squirreled away precious few new episodes. Just when CBS announced they were ready to place a few nuggets out there for viewers, they got a reprieve when they remembered, hey, doesn’t the President of the United States usually do something we can broadcast around the end of January?

Voila-La. Bush finally comes to the rescue – and just in time to save those new episodes of “The New Adventures of Old Christine” and the premiere of the new sitcom “Welcome to The Captain” for February sweep.

According to the very nice press release sent out by CBS, “Welcome to The Captain” is a comedy about a wildly eclectic group of people whose lives are intertwined through the place they all call home, a fabled Hollywood apartment building, El Capitan, which they’ve dubbed “The Captain.” It stars Fran Kranz (“The TV Set”), Chris Klein (“American Pie”), Jeffrey Tambor (“Arrested Development”), Raquel Welch (“The Three Musketeers”), comedian Al Madrigal, Valerie Azlynn (“Two and a Half Men”) and Joanna Garcia (“Reba”).

This is when I get kind of sad about no January Television Critics press tour so that I could find out what the heck Chris Klein was thinking when he told a women’s magazine that he hated placating women and wouldn’t tolerate his girlfriend gaining weight.

“When a woman isn’t feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she’ll ask you if you like her body,” he told Elle back in 2005. “You have to say no… I don’t placate.”

Katie Holmes apparently dumped him, which worked out quite well for her what with the whole TomKat deal.

Katie recovers nicely from her Chris Klein break-up

And just where has Chris been hanging out lately? Ditto Raquel. It’s been a long time since the pin-up years and it’s always nice to touch base, yes?

Raquel Welch, Jeffrey Tambor, Chris Klein, Fran Krans, Joanna Garcia, Al Madrigal and Valerie Azlynn make up the cast of WELCOME TO THE CAPTAIN

The State of the Union Address takes place on Jan. 28, shoving the CBS comedies to a Feb. 4 date.

Here’s the new line-up:

Monday, Jan. 28

8:00-8:30 PM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

8:30-9:00 PM TWO AND A HALF MEN

9:00-10:30 PM CBS NEWS COVERAGE OF THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

10:30-11:00 PM RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Monday, Feb 4

8:00-8:30 PM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

8:30-9:00 PM WELCOME TO THE CAPTAIN (Series Premiere)

9:00-9:30 PM TWO AND A HALF MEN

9:30-10:00 PM THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE (Season Premiere)

10:00-11:00 PM CSI: MIAMI