SueTube – Let’s talk TV with critic Susan Young

It’s not good to tempt fate.

On Tuesday, Phil Stacey opened the competition with a decent rendition of Bon Jovi’s “Blaze of Glory, ” which proved to be his swan song. (“I’m goin’ down in a blaze of glor-reeee …”).

Even with a strong performance on Tuesday, Stacey has been hanging on my his fingernails throughout the competition. Stacey came back strong during the last two programs, including a nice country performance, but it wasn’t enough to get past the flashier performances.

Stacey got the boot first, followed by Chris Richardson, who wobbled badly through his Bon Jovi tune “Wanted Dead or Alive.”

Things looked bad for the Justin Timberlake wannabe when he couldn’t even remember the words to the song during his practice session with Jon Bon Jovi. Bovi Jovi told him to “find the blue note” in the song. Turned out it just found the brown note.

Blake Lewis, who was in the bottom three, did a fantastic job on doing the Bon Jovi hit “You Give Love a Bad Name” Blake beat-box style. Jon thought he was making a mistake fooling around with a beloved song.

Simon proclaimed after the performance that “half the audience will hate it, and half will love it” and that Lewis’ risk would pay off by saving him from having the ax fall on him this week.

Once again, Simon was right. Blake took a chance and it paid off big time for him.

And after picking bad song after bad song, LaKisha Jones FINALLY chose wisely and belted out “This Ain’t a Love Song.”

Now it’s down to the best of the bunch, with Melinda Doolittle leading the pack. It’s not going to be easy for any of them to catch up to the amazing Melinda, who has been beating the others soundly week after week. She outright spanked the Bon Jovi song “Have a Nice Day.” No wonder Jon wants her to join the band.

Ahoy, matey. We’ve got your scurvy crew right here.

Well, scurvy in the a-lotta-hotties kind of way.

CBS today introduced the 16 pirates who will compete in “Pirate Master,” a new reality-based series from “Survivor” creator – and newly wed to that divine Roma Downey – Mark Burnett.

CAST OF “PIRATE MASTER”

Australian actor Cameron Daddo will serve as host.

According to the press release, “Pirate Master” will send 16 modern-day pirates on a high seas adventure where they will live as buccaneers and travel around the Caribbean island of Dominica in search of hidden treasure that will total $1 million.

Over the course of 33 days, these pirates will live aboard a massive 179 foot, square-rigged barque which carries 12,500 square feet of sail.

Each week, the pirates will embark on extraordinary expeditions where they will decipher clues along the way in search of missing treasure. Gold coins — real money which the pirates may take with them beyond the show — will be awarded after each expedition, but only to some. The gold will play a key role as pirates strike deals with each other or plead for long-term security.

In addition to claiming the lion’s share of the week’s riches, one pirate will become the captain of the ship and will assign roles and chores to the remaining crew members, setting the tone for either law and order or betrayal and sabotage, which could lead to mutiny by the crew.

Each episode will conclude on the ship at Pirate’s Court, a lively gathering of public speaking and judgment where one individual will be eliminated and “cut adrift.” In the end, one will be the first to find the largest booty, worth $500,000, and claim the title of “Pirate Master.”

The show comes on at 8 p.m. Thursday, May 31 on CBS. Until then, check out the booty.

The pirates competing in PIRATE MASTER (in alphabetical order) are:

CHRISTA DeANGELO

29

Tamaqua, Pa.

Ex-Military

BEN FAGAN

23

Boston

Student/Musician

LOUIE FRASE

43

Fishing Creek, Md. (originally from Park Ridge, Ill.)

Marina Owner

KENDRA GUFFEY

38

Los Angeles (originally from Anchorage, Alaska)

Dive Master

JAY HATKOW

37

Detroit

Automotive Parts Salesman

AZMYTH KAMINSKI

26

Los Angeles (originally Mt. Vernon, Wash.)

Music Producer

CHERYL KOSEWICZ

35

Sparks, Nev. (originally from Grand Couler, Wash.)

District Attorney

JOHN LAKNESS

25

Carlisle, Mass.

Scientist/Chippendale Dancer

JOCELYN “JOY” MCELVEEN

21

West Columbia, S.C.

Receptionist

ELICIA “JUPITER” MENDOZA

30

Los Angeles (originally from Santa Rosa, Calif.)

Bartender

JOE DON “J.D.” NORTON

36

Ft. Wainwright, Alaska (originally from Scottsdale, Ariz.)

Smokejumper

NESSA NEMIR

29

Berkeley, Calif. (originally from Oakland, Calif.)

Make-Up Artist

CHRISTIAN OKOYE

45

Rancho Cucamonga, Calif. (originally from Enugu, Nigeria)

Former NFL Player

LAUREL SCHMIDT

21

Los Angeles (originally Detroit)

Glass Blower

ALEXIS SHUBIN

26

Laguna Beach, Calif. (originally from Fountain Valley, Calif.)

Fashion Publicist

SEAN TWOMEY

27

Venice, Calif. (originally from Pensacola, Fla.)

Bartender

It’s true. “The View” won’t have Rosie O’Donnell kicking up any more dust – and more importantly heating up the ratings.

ABC announced early today that the network was unable to come to a contractual agreement with “The View” co-host. As a result, her duties on the show will come to an end mid-June.

“They wanted me three years, I wanted one year, and it just didn’t work,” Rosie says on today’s show.

(ABC/HEIDI GUTMAN) ROSIE O`DONNELL,BARBARA WALTERS,OLYMPIA DUKAKIS,JOY BEHAR,ELISABETH HASSELBECK

“Going in we knew we would have an amazing year with her, and that anything beyond that would be gravy,” says Brian Frons, president of daytime programming for the Disney-ABC Television Group. “But we were willing to take the chance because we understood what a coup it was to entice Ro back to daytime television. So here we are a year later, and while we’ve tried to come to terms on a deal that would extend her co-hosting duties on ‘The View,’ we find ourselves unable to agree on some key elements.”

Rosie pumped up the profile of the daytime show with her ongoing feud with Donald Trump, her politically incorrect comments and her attacks on those she felt were intolerant of the rights of others.

Barbara Walters, creator and co-executive producer of “The View,” said in a statement that she was the one to coax the high voltage Rosie into taking a seat on “The View.”

“She has given the program new vigor, new excitement and wonderful hours of television. I can only be grateful to her for this year,” Barbara says. “I am very sad that ABC Daytime could not reach an agreement with her for a second year.”

As for Rosie, she says in a release sent out by ABC that it has been an amazing experience and one she wouldn’t have traded for the world.

“Working with Barbara, Joy and Elisabeth has been one of the highlights of my career, but my needs for the future just didn’t dovetail with what ABC was able to offer me.

To all the viewers out there, I just want to say ‘thank you’ for opening up your hearts and your homes to me this past year. But you can always find me at rosie.com. Here’s hoping there’s more confetti for all of us going forward.”

(ABC/HEIDI GUTMAN) ROSIE O`DONNELL,JOHN LITHGOW

Since the departure was made on friendly terms, ABC hopes to entice Rosie back next year to take part in a series of one-hour specials or guest host once in a while.

There are no current plans to announce a new co-host.

Now we know why Desmond likes to call everyone “Brother” on “Lost.”

Turns out that after a drunken spree to avoid marrying his girlfriend Ruth, Des wakes up to find Brother Campbell in his monk frock ready to take him away to monk-land.

Sure he’s found his true calling, Des is ready to take on the robe when Ruth’s brother finally tracks him down and punches him in the snout. Des gets smashed on monk wine and gets booted out of the monkery. But not before we have a little scene between Des and Brother Campbell, who tells him he’s destined for greater things.

On Brother Campbell’s desk is a picture of the brother and Ms. Hawking. If you remember, she’s the soothsayer who was working at the store where Desmond goes to buy an engagement ring for Penny during his flashback/dream after he turned the fail-safe key.

She knows all about his timeline, which went wonky after he turned the key. She tells him he has to stay the path or else everyone’s going to die. Besides, she tell him, fate has a way of “course-correcting,” which is why Des seems destined to be saving Charlie for the rest of his island stay.

CHARLIE AND DESMOND

But now we’re wondering about the girl who parachuted out of the helicopter (???) into the forest. Des thought for sure it was his beloved Penny, but we don’t know this girl.

But she knew Des. She mumbled his name right before she passed out, or died.

Do we have a new person on the island? Probably not. But we do know there is a way on and off the island if the castaways only had a submarine…or a helicopter.

Next week looks great with a Sun-centric episode.

Sanjaya says he’s looking into getting a bodyguard.

Can he really be that popular? Or that deluded?

SANJAYA AND LAKISHA IN BOTTOM 2

The kid came across as a naive young man who says he got his GED as a sophomore and thinks of his time on “American Idol” as his “junior and senior year in high school.”

“It was my mom’s idea for me to get my GED,” Sanjaya says in a teleconference with journalists today. “ I got into a little bit of trouble in school and didn’t do my homework. It was a horrible habit that I had. I just wanted to move on and focus on my music.”

And he says that he thinks that Howard Stern and Web sites like votefortheworst had little impact on him.

“I don’t think (they) had enough people voting for me to make a dent in anything,” Sanjaya says. “The reason why I’m here is solely because of the support from my fans.”

So why did he get the boot this week?

“Honestly, I’m not a country singer and I didn’t have enough really strong performances for people to forgive me,” Sanjaya says. “LaKisha had enough strong performances to get her through. So that’s what got me this week.”

Sanjaya, whose father is a construction worker, says he still wants to go to college at the Berklee School of Music some day, but right now he feels is the time to focus on his career and “ `American Idol’ was a great way to do that.”

The 17-year-old says the only time he felt he was in over his head was during Hollywood week.

“That was completely intense. I had my sister there and she really supported me,” Sanjaya says. “I just wanted to get past that.”

He says it was surreal for him to become a cultural phenomenon. And he still isn’t sure what to make of it.

“You just don’t have the slightest idea of the capacity of this show and the impact of this show,” he says. “Once in a while, you get inklings.”

“I had no idea,” he says. “It seems kind of unnatural. I’m just a guy from Federal Way. It’s crazy.”

He says he liked the skit “Saturday Night Live” did on him, and believes you have to be able to laugh at yourself.

Which brings us, of course, to Simon Cowell.

“I think he had gotten to a point where I hadn’t fulfilled the potential (he thought I had in the beginning) and didn’t think I belonged there, which is OK,” Sanjaya says.

Sanjaya says he’s looking forward to being part of the season finale and to go on tour. After that, he’ll be looking at opportunities in acting, modeling and perhaps even Broadway.

Well, we won’t have Sanjaya to kick around any more.

Sorry, little cowboy. Time to pack up the pony and hit the trail.

Despite the efforts of Howard Stern, www.votefortheworst.com and little girls all over the planet, Sanjaya finally got the boot. We blame it on the headband. And the fact that he cheated by singing a non-country song on country night.

Oh, and also because, as Simon the eye-roller mentioned on Tuesday, Sanjaya sounded like some of the rejects from the auditions blooper reels.

We can imagine Simon’s doing the happy Snoopy dance right about now.

Sanjaya warbled out a horrendous version of Bonnie Raitt’s “Something to Talk About” while barely containing his frizzed-out hair in a tall red bandana.

When the votes were read on Wednesday night, the bottom three included Sanjaya, Blake Lewis and LaKisha Jones. Although both Lewis and Jones have proven themselves to be good singers, it’s time for both to kick up their games.

Lewis looked a little geeky _ and non-country _ in a blue argyle sweater singing the Tim McGraw barely-country ballad “When the Stars Go Blue” and LaKisha test drove former “American Idol” winner Carrie Underwood’s hit “Jesus Take the Wheel.”

Each week, LaKisha has ignored the advice of the guest vocal coaches and, as a result, she’s been making some poor song choices. I hate to say it, LaKisha, but I have a little bit of Mandisa deja vu going on right now. I think it’s getting close, and you won’t make it into the top two.

My picks right now are Jordin Sparks, who might just win this whole thing because of her youth and spunk combined with great talent, and power singer Melinda Doolittle who can do no wrong.

A notable change in the cellar-dwellers: For the first time in weeks, Phil Stacey didn’t make it into the bottom three. Phil’s been doing a good job these last couple of weeks and it finally paid off for him.

It now comes down to week to week as to who might be kicked off the show next. If LaKisha doesn’t start paying attention, she could be next.

Did Simon Crowell really roll his eyes when Chris Richardson offered a heartfelt comment about the tragedy at Virginia Tech?

Simon’s telling anyone who will listen that he was horrified to see himself on TV having that reaction.

TMZ reported this morning that Simon says “I couldn’t hear what Chris had said. I was talking to Paula. My reaction (rolling his eyes) was to what he had said previously, that singing nasally is a form of singing.”

Do we believe Simon?

Actually, he probably wasn’t paying attention to what Chris was saying, because Simon’s notorious rude when it comes to the post comments comments by the contestants.

He’s had his say and then he tends to jabber with the other judges while Ryan Seacrest talks to the singers.

But that hasty little comment Simon made later in the program was absolutely damage control. He offered up his own sympathies to the families which sounded rushed and, to use terms Simon has used on the contestants, I just didn’t feel it.

click here for video of Simon’s eye-roll and his own condolence to the Virginia Tech families.

You can’t trust what the promos say, but it was interesting that tonight’s episode of “Lost” ended with the narrator telling us that the countdown to the end was coming.

This seems to confirm what creator Damon Lindelof said in January about next season being perhaps the last for the mysterious drama.

Just a little tangent here, but did anyone else get a little teary when Sawyer and Kate came together? While we’re talking about Sawyer, we’re glad he’s back with the nicknames. Three Men and a Baby…

In any case, it seems that the writers are trying to toss a few bones to fans and critics of the series. We loved it when Sayid finally said what we’d all been thinking: Give us some answers about this island.

Tonight, our suspections about Juliet were confirmed: She’s no good.

DON’T TRUST JULIET NO MATTER HOW LONELY SHE LOOKS

She was brought to the island to “create life where life is not meant to be,” she’s told. Women who try to have babies die here. So the Others snatch the children of those unfortunate enough to land on this rock.

The Others can cure cancer. So, why did they need Jack to take out a tumor? Apparently, Jack’s not the target after all. The targets are mother Claire and mother to be Sun.

After learning about Juliet’s plan with Ben (and that comment about “after all we’ve done to them”), we know nothing good is about to happen to our castaways.

Remember that Goodwin, Juliet’s lover, was killed by Ana-Lucia after she realized he was probably an Other and not a tailie as he tried to portray. Goodwin, you’ll remember, snapped the neck of Nathan – a guy Goodwin said “was not a good man.”

And hats off to the writers, who gave us a lot of tidbits, but left the larger mysteries of the island still buried.

They also presented a few new questions like why is it better to arrive unconscious? And why was Danielle Rousseau able to have a baby on the island? We also heard the theme of good and bad people once again, as Jack tells Juliet that the crash survivors are “good people.”

I’d also like to think that Jack hasn’t really been taken in by Juliet and is just playing along until he can figure out here game. But if that’s the case, why did he let her treat Claire? Is it because he some how figured out Ben and Juliet’s game?

Ah, the plot just keeps on getting thicker.

Not to be rude, as our pal Simon would say, but Haley Scarnato has overstayed her “American Idol” visit by at least a few weeks. Her ouster tonight was a long time coming.

HALEY’S LAST SONG – THANK YOU VOTERS

Haley’s performance last night was enough to make dogs howl and children cry. She cavorted on stage like she was trying to win a third-rate talent contest. And once again showing that if the title was for Best American Legs, she’d certainly be in the running.

Also in the bottom tier with Haley was Chris Richardson and Phil Stacey. We like Phil pretty well, but as the field narrows he’s going to find himself squeezed out of the competition.

He’s certainly the next one off the good ship Idol next week. After Phil, we’re betting it will be Chris.

Which brings us to the final five.

And we’re betting that group will be Sanjaya, Blake, Jordin, LaKisha and Melinda.

Let’s hope the Sanjaya insanity stops there, and won’t affect the best singers in the bunch. Although we have to admit we’re a little interested in seeing Sanjaya go country next week with Martina McBride

While were in the business of ranking, how about those coaches each week? Jennifer Lopez was sweet and tried her best to inspire the “Idols.” She obviously does watch the show and cares a lot about the singers.

JENNIFER SHOWS HOW TO DO IT LATIN STYLE

But we still have to put Gwen Stefani up as one of the best coaches so far, followed closely by Lulu. Tony Bennett looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. Peter Noone was nice enough, but didn’t offer much in the way of good advice. And dear diva Diana Ross simply seemed to be more wrapped up in herself than in genuinely helping the “Idols.”

It’s baaacck.

We’re talking about the black smoke that smotes the bad guys and scares everyone else. Tonight, it chased down Kate and Juliet. Juliet says The Others don’t know what it is either, they just know that it can’t get past their super-shield fences.

What’s the flash? What’s the gear noise? How can black smoke be so stinkin’ loud?

Oh, and Sawyer’s a good guy who is about to be a papa – even though he doesn’t know it. Turns out the woman he conned and dumped is pregnant, and that she and Kate had a close encounter of the mom kind in the Before Crash world.

And Kate’s got second thoughts about boinking Sawyer now that she knows Jack and Others played peep show.

The interaction between Hurley and Sawyer always makes me smile. But I’m beginning to be so over Locke. We know that Locke is the key to the island. But does he have to be such a jerk about it?

What was that pious speech he gave to Kate about how he tried to tell them what a good person she was, but they had the rap sheet and aren’t quite as forgiving and forgetting about the past.

When are the Others going to get smoked?

And does anyone trust Juliet? I’m with Sayid about the trust factor.