Where’s the flash and fun, VMA?

A naked, pixillated dwarf does not a Video Music Award Show make.

Tonight, MTV must have been praying for a wardrobe malfuction or at least a Bono f-bomb. But even Lil’ Kim kept her Dolly Parton’s hidden under her long locks.

Instead. all viewers got was a yawner of an evening. But MTV must have seen that coming when they decided to use the kid from “Little Miss Sunshine,” Abigail Breslin to present an award with Fergie.

Good god, the kid couldn’t even pronounce the winner’s name. Ever heard of a little thing called rehearsal?

Because everything on the show certainly was rehearsed until all the freshness was squeezed right out of it.

Except maybe when a zombie-like Jessica Simpson took the stage, fumbling her lines and looking like she was the one taking hits off the backstage bong instead of Snoop, who claimed he needed a smoke. But settled for the orange-colored drink he brought to the stage instead.

Nice try, dog. But it all reeked of corporate. We knew it was going to be a pathetic night when two of the most boring videos to be made last year, Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You” and James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” earned, respectively, the Best Female and Best Male Male Video Awards.

At least Clarkson had the good sense to pass on the ceremony.

Not even the Jackass clan could bring on the danger. Or any excitement from the aforementioned dwarf.


  1. Chad said,

    September 1, 2006 at 9:38 am

    During all the recent hoopla about MTV’s 25th anniversary, did anyone bother to notice that the reality-dominated network is completely musically irrelevent? I remember MTV in the ’80s, and I have to say, I want my MTV minus about 20 years.

  2. Cora said,

    September 5, 2006 at 10:30 pm

    Yeah Kelly Clarkson winning that award was stupid!!! I thought these were VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS not popularity contests.

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